yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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