I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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