Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
