She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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