he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
