Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
