if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
