I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
