Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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