Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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