That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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