of course. lets lasso hookers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
