My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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