I cannot find my penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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