that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
