bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
