I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
