ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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