Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish there were birth control emojis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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