Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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