I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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