You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
