I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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