It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
