I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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