I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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