i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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