I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
