If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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