we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
