so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
