I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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