what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
