I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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