It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
