I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
