He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
