so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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