haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
