I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
