Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
