so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
