After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
