Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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