meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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