Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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