At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
