i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pants are for mortals
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
