just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
