Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
