i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
