and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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