thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I touched a dick in church today
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
