it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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