woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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